Breaking:Vault officials deny rumors of a breach, confirming rumors of a breach.Updated 06:66

The only paper dumb enough to tell the truth

The Goblin Gazette

Vol. I / No. 006News · Rumors · Gossip · Bad AdvicePrice: one secret

Breach District Expansion Breaks Ground

The Hive promises shorter intake lines, bigger vaults, and a “dramatically improved visitor experience.” Nobody remembers asking.

The sound started before dawn: steel on stone, engines below the streets, and a work crew chanting in a language the planning office claims not to recognize.

By breakfast, a new tunnel entrance had appeared beneath Sector Six. Hive contractors say the expansion will triple capacity and connect directly to the oldest chambers of the Xenoverse.

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A Gazette contributor holding cash inside the newsroom
Gazette staff photo The paper insists this is an entirely legitimate expense account.

Fresh from the tunnels

Field Dispatches

Three stories survived fact-checking
A sword-wielding adventurer facing a goblin horde01
Raids

Temple crew misses last extraction window

A four-person expedition ignored the third bell. The Hive has already listed their equipment for auction.

Filed under questionable facts
A woman and goblins in a graffiti-covered courtyard02
Sightings

Pechuga spotted beyond the courtyard wall

Witnesses report a new escort, three missing cameras, and absolutely no intention of answering questions.

Filed under questionable facts
A close-up of a bubbling purple potion in a metal spoon03
Science?

Purple batch 6.66 declared mostly drinkable

The alchemists say side effects are temporary. The test subjects have not been available for comment.

Filed under questionable facts

Unverified / Unhelpful / Unavoidable

The Rumor Board

Legal asked us to call this fiction.
01

Someone in the Vault is selling keys that only open from the inside.

02

The Hive has elected a new leader. The Hive continues to deny having leaders.

03

A camera recovered from the temple contains twelve minutes that do not exist.

04

Sector Nine vending machines now accept memories.

Yesterday's misinformation

Issue Archive

Public records / Vault editions withheld

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Underground fantasy news

Toxic Goblin news, rumors, and Xenoverse dispatches

The Goblin Gazette publishes dark fantasy news, raid reports, character sightings, artifact rumors, tunnel gossip, and questionable field journalism from inside the Toxic Goblin Xenoverse.